it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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