he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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