it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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