Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You need a sexual gate keeper
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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