Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
