I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
