She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
