im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
