I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
