ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
