Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
