the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
