Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
