I want to have your abortion
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
