it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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