i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
