I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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