So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
