I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize