After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
