so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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