dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
