I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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