So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
