Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
