Im at strip club and am horny
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize