The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
