but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
