He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
