I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
ttyl tear gas
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
