Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
