I just pynch a tree in the face
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
