Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
