My hand turned me down
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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