I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
