I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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