I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dating After Heartbreak
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.