So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you