Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT