haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?