You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.