On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Please, let me fuck your mom
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.