So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.