he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
