Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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