This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
