I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
