I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
