I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
