pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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