Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
