my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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