4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
