he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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