my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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