Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
