someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
