Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
