i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
