Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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