You made me cry and you don't even care
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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