At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
