So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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