so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
