I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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