I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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