I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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