porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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