just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
two words: eviction party
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
