the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
