Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
