$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
