Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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