she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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