White coat. Heels.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
