I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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