omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
