remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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