the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
