I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
