im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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